Imagine, having the toughest day of life.It was 6 pm, I left my friend's place after completing the last college project.I chose to walk today.I chose to clear out doubts in my head.I chose to feel better.I chose to fight battles with my thoughts.I started to walk towards my house.Knowing that my house is far away, but what runs in my mind is more painful than the pain that this long walk will ever give. The faster you walk, the longer the list of thoughts become in your head. "Will I ever be able to make it?", " Are you sure about it? ", "Where is Square One"? , " Is there any break allowed in life?", " Where am I lacking? ", "WHAT EXACTLY IS HAPPENING!"
This was not happening with me for the first time.Self-doubt,de-motivation, aggressiveness, a pinch of depression, and endless worry come easily to anybody.Especially when you know that it is any day possible to win with self-determination and good vibes of course.But, still, sadness is an emotion which your heart and your mind decide to enjoy every once in a while. I was walking and suddenly I was not.
I was so much busy thinking, I did not realize that I had walked more than half of the distance already.My throat was little dry and my legs could feel some pain.I noticed a beautiful spot under a tree.Sat under the tree and could not feel the calmness at all.Repetition of so many advice, movie-like scenes on a roll inside the mind which only portray my failures, unfulfilled expectations, consequences of my action and every possible negative thing were constantly running on my mind.I was helpless and even more clueless.Sometimes, things are there but they are not clearly seen as they are not right in front of us.I was experiencing exactly the same thing.I would always suggest a list of things to people when they are in vain but I could not apply the same logic or formulas to me. Everything was falling and I was failing.
8 pm.
Surrounded by the city's busyness, drowned in the chaos of the city.Every corner of the city with full lights.But, I was left dark still.I could feel dark and find no way to any of my problems this time.The direction was unknown to me and the path was still vague.My eyes were full of tears and my heart was hoping for one more chance to rectify some things.Everything seemed impossible! IMPOSSIBLE? I questioned myself once again IMPOSSIBLE?Recalling my UCMAS classes which I used to attend when I was 12, my teacher wrote a famous beautiful thought for the day on the board saying;" Nothing is impossible because the word itself says I-M-Possible!" This simple thought made me realize the power of everything.
The battle had now begun.My thoughts were no more just thoughts.They were now completing the pieces of the puzzle of my life.I began to join the dots and made a list of things I am still yet to do differently.Many times, I did give up easily and some things I did not even dare to try without any valid reason.And by that time, I could feel my t-shirt wet.My tears had rolled out of my eyes and there I was sitting in a random spot crying for my failures and happy for my sense of realization.
What a beautiful feeling!
I was helpless and unknown to so many things in my life.Things changed.The calmness had comfortably taken its place inside my soul. I was unable to feel the chaos within me and I had a sigh of relief.You could feel that touch of a beautiful moment.There was no weight of the worries anymore and I was all of a sudden feeling light. I was in a different ora of my own.It was like an ocean to me. Endless waves of goodness and an anchor at various ends.Unfamiliar with the directions and familiar with my vibes.There were some places, that I could call my own.Places and emotions that could calm me.Emotions that could make me swim and float but never drown.My ocean of emotions!
This is your OCEAN OF EMOTIONS! Don't ever forget that this ocean is the world that you enter into many times to talk, walk and enjoy!You have your favorite spot.It is your favorite corner of the ocean, where you sit and tell about your sorrow.You do not like sorrow.I know she is still with you. But it is equally important.I tried to recollect my thoughts, started to connect all the dots.Now, I see. I am in my world, I call it my ocean.At times, when I don't know what to do, I make moves here, I rehearse here and then feel better.This is the inner self that pats my back and reminds me of my responsibilities.This is the place where I swing and the beautiful creatures answer my questions.I am always safe here.I have a favorite spot to cry and a rock made up of a blue mushroom on which I sit and write my diary.There is a roller coaster made up of red paper-boats that allows me to row and think about family, friends and most importantly about me.There is nobody that can stop me and nobody that questions my limits. Because I HAVE NO LIMITS.
There are so many hurdles that you have crossed and even more burdens that you have carried.But, what is heavier?The pride of all your efforts or the guilt of giving up?Keep walking with no fears. Keep swimming with your emotions and never dare to drown.When you drown, your dreams expire. When you drown, your passion fades away.When you stop, you lose.You can take a pause, but quitting is never a choice.The only limits that I have are the ones that had taken birth in my mind.They actually do not exist in real life.I never find it. All that I am and all that I can be is in my ocean and within me.It just takes a minute to swim in and find it.Now, when you have any questions, just swim in your ocean!
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